April 4, 2009 Journal Page

I haven't been feeling very happy lately. This bothered me for a while. I kept thinking 'What is WRONG with me? Why can't I be happy????' This morning it came to me, like a slap upside the head from the Powers That Be. There is NOTHING wrong with not feeling happy every moment of every day. In fact, it would be even stranger if I, we, YOU, did all experience happiness like that. We're human beings and our emotional state is not static. Our emotions ebb and flow like the tides of the ocean. Sometimes the flow is gentle, caressing, like a kiss from a lover in our youths. Sometimes it is tumultuous, raging, like the waves during a hurricane. And that's OK.

In fact, it is more than OK. It's the way it suppose to be. Which makes me wonder: Why do so many people spend their lives trying to convince themselves and others how happy they are? How totally and absolutely wonderful their lives are with nothing getting in the way of their joyous overflowing of happiness????? I know a lot of people like this. They spend so much time talking about how great their lives are, how they have happiness beyond measure, etc. etc. but you know what? I'm not buying it. No one can be that totally happy at all times. No one's life is so great that they never have a moment of sadness or a moment where they wish things were slightly better. Unless of course they're on mood altering drugs and even then I don't think they'd be totally happy.

Right now I say to you: Admit that you are not always happy. Give yourself permission to be sad once in a while. I'm not talking depressive, taking over your life sadness. I'm talking sadness that comes to you once in a while. The cyclic kind that's caused by stress, illness, a rotten job, LIFE in general. It's OK to be unhappy. The unhappy moments in our lives show us what happiness truly is. It makes us step back and look for the blessings in our lives, no matter how small. It's a necessary emotion that we, as humans, need. If we didn't have that then we wouldn't be here. We'd have ascended to a higher plane of existence where happiness and perfect balance are the norm. In other words, we'd cease to be human and become a Higher Being. Angel, Spirit, Light-Bearer, whatever you want to call it or believe in. A fine goal to be sure, but right now, at this very moment, I prefer to be human. To jump into the Void of my sadness and see what happens. Embrace the emotion and learn from it. And by doing so, I know that happiness will return.

I'm reading 'The Sixteen Pleasures' by Robert Hellenga right now. I have to say it is totally captivating! I've only read 59 pages so far, but in those 59 pages there have been many Wow moments that have made me stop and think. I highly recommend picking up a copy, reading it slowly and taking the time to mull over what has been revealed. And don't let the description of the book fool you. It is far more than a novel dealing with art treasures that were almost lost in a flood. There's life wisdom there. Deep, raw, personal and zen-like wisdom that makes you want to roll the words around in your mouth, tasting them to their fullest.